Insomnia

It sucks when you finish studying at a point in the evening at which it is too late to take your Ambien. *sigh* It's time to get used to morning classes again. It's not that I mind getting up early when I get a good night's sleep... I just so rarely get to sleep before 4AM...

Boo.

New Semester and Blogging Controversy

I know it has been a while, 2 people who read my blog, but I only had 2 weeks of actual summer so my first priority was not sitting at the computer and trying to be witty.

The Fall semester started on Monday. I already love all of my classes.

I'm taking History of Modern Science from a professor who believes in science above all else, like me, and is also really funny. It's not a class in my major, but it will be fun (unlike all of the non-major classes I took for my Ass Degree).

The professor for Experimental Psych is a "heart-throb" according to all of the ladies in my class. So his code-name this semester is "Dr. Heart Throb" or "Dr. HT". He's funny and the class is interesting but I don't think I would describe Dr. HT as a heart throb myself. But what do I know? I'm in love with Keith Olbermann.

The professor for Cognitive Psych looks like she uses the exact same hair dye that I do so I'll call her "Dr. Red Hair" or "Dr. RH". She's a total bad ass. Really knows her shit and doesn't let people get away with being lazy ass snowflakes. This makes sense, as it is a senior level class and required for those on the Grad School track so she has to weed out the losers, yet I keep hearing what a "bitch" she is. When students around campus tell me that Prof. So-and-So is a bitch or "way hard", I immediately sign up for his or her class as it means that Prof. So-and-So will actually challenge me academically. I'm pretty sure the opposite is also true. If I tell someone to avoid a class because the "professor" (usually a grad student) is a dumbass, all the lazy students immediately sign up for the class because it means you really aren't going to have to actively learn anything. But I digress...

I have a Bioethics class this semester too but the first one was canceled and it is a once a week Monday class so I won't know what the professor is like until the 14th.

I have my first meeting with Dr. A tomorrow for the research project I'm assisting him with. I'm so excited! I can't wait to get started. Plus, Dr. A is a badass.

Oh, there was some fairly recent controversy over some stories on my blog being "made up." Frankly, if you can't tell when I'm making something up to be funny versus telling a funny story that actually happened to me, then you don't deserve to know. Those who know me well know when I'm kidding. Plus, this is my blog, on which I post commentary and jokes, updates and fantasies, all of which came from my sick and twisted mind. That should be enough to make it real. Otherwise, why does it matter? If it made you laugh, my job is done.
Al Franken had this same problem, which he addressed in "The Truth (with jokes)":

After my last book, some of younger and/or less bright readers complained that
they couldn't tell when I was joking and when I was merely reporting true things
in a comedic manner.

The only difference between Franken and I is that he went on to inform his readers of when he was joking or not joking. I am not that nice. Plus, I'm not being paid to write this blog, so I don't have to worry about confusing my readers.

So, there!

Non-Traditional Gender Roles

Honey, please don't make fun of me for yelling at the tv during the game. I am well aware of the fact that they can't hear me. Besides, I don't make fun of you for crying during your Sex and the City dvd marathons. And yes, Shoeface's voice overs do really make me want to drive a fork into my own eye.

Olbermann the Bobble Head!!!!!!!!!

If I do not receive this for my birthday (*cough* 11/20 *cough*), then my friends and family will have epically failed:

Blogger Sobriety Test

So, I do this thing when I'm not sober and around a computer. It's called "copy & paste lyrics from songs" and I'm pretty sure that, at the time, I'm trying to be deep and meaningful.

I usually delete these inane blogs the next day but I'm not going to anymore. For one, they still show up in Google Reader. Plus, they're pretty funny, in a ridiculously silly sort of way.

Like, for example, this morning's (or "last night's") lyrics come from a song that I can't get out of my head. "Strange & Beautiful" by Aqualung. It is a pretty deep song and it does hold some meaning for me...

It is the song that I record over and over and over onto multiple cassette tapes, which I then send to Keith Olbermann 3x a week. I thought maybe he'd be inspired by this gesture to lift the restraining order against me but instead he changed the "Can't come within 500 ft." rule to a more restrictive 100 ft.

I mean, what does he really think a silly, obsessed female fan is capable of? Driving across the country in diapers to kidnap his blonde, 25 yr old girlfriend? Sneaking into his apartment to steal his brain to keep in a jar so we can communicate telepathically? I mean, really, Keith. Geez...

Speaking of brains in jars, I figured out what my M.O. would be if I were a serial killer (don't you love the twisted things people who study psychology think upon?).

If I were a serial killer:

• I'd murder college professors, extract their brains and then keep their brains in jars of formaldehyde in my basement so I could feed off of their knowledge
• I would stick wax lips on the jars although they wouldn't need lips because we would only communicate telepathically
• I would be schizophrenic, although the diagnosis wouldn't come until my capture since the schizophrenia only just now developed in my mid-twenties
• "The Man with Two Brains" with Steve Martin was my favorite movie as a child

So, that thought came to me the other day and I thought I'd share. If someone steals this idea for a movie or an episode of Law & Order: CI, I will sue that person for millions, so don't even think about it.

Strange & Beautiful

I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart,
Unseen.

To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and
I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realize

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, that waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep,
I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see

-Aqualung

Academic Dreams About Holding a "Stimulating" Conversation

Last night I dreamt about someone whom I admire greatly. But instead of a normal sex dream, I dreamt about talking to this person for hours. Literally, all night long, I dreamt about talking to someone that I find attractive.

I think my brain needs to get laid. Has it really been that long since I've had intellectual intercourse?