More academic dreams (literally)...

I rarely remember my dreams from the night before unless they are particularly traumatic, odd, or wonderful.



I believe last night's dreams acheived all 3 of these standards and so I must share.



Okay, preface: I have a "dream version" of SCU in my head. That is, whenever I dream about my university, I dream about the same place that doesn't actually exist every time. It has the same elevators, the same offices, the same layout, the same stairs, etc. but looks actually nothing like the real SCU. I don't know why my mind creates a familiar dream landscape for me, but it does (I also have dream versions of my parents' house, Walmart, and "my house").



In dream-SCU, the faculty offices are in a building not unlike the faculty office building on my campus. But the building inside has an atrium instead of elevators in the middle. Kind of like this...

But without the French Quarter theme.




My dream-SCU faculty building has corresponding offices for each of the professors I have dreamt about. Dr. Heartthrob's office is in the right corner across the way from the elevators. Dr. A's is 2 doors to the right of the elevators. Dr. Redhair is in the office next door to Dr. Heartthrob's, to the left. Et cetera. And there is a pool on the roof.



The pool is a new addition, brought to my attention only last night. It is heated and indoor and fairly private and I'd advise you to not go swimming in it as [at least one of] the faculty members apparently do naughty things there with undergrads [and possibly each other]... I'll let you know if it is still open next time I visit dream-SCU.


But my dreams did not end there, my friends. They did take a different turn though. We will now leave dream-SCU and travel to dream-gritty nightclub. This one still had an academic theme though, as my favorite professor had put me on the guestlist to come watch him play with his hair-metal cover band.


Ah, yes. There was my mentor, wearing a dusty blue bandana tied around his head, shredding tasty licks on the guitar, accompanied by a band of imagined 40-somethings who worship DLR as god-of-all-that-is-holy. After the set, I sat around backstage with this motley crew (pun intended) and we took shots of something opaque and notwhisky out of salt shakers (FYI: notwhisky = my word for everything people that aren't me take shots of). Dear mentor did instruct me to "take the top off" as I skeptically eyed the concoction in the less-than-conventional vessel.


What would Freud say? I don't even want to know.

Compromises & Separations

Ah... I will be surprised if I still have any readers left after my long hiatus. I just haven't been particularly inspired to "blog it out" these past couple of months. I have been quite busy and once I do get some down time, trying to write something clever and smart for my adoring fans (er... fan) just doesn't sound appealing.

I am going to give a brief synopsis of events that have transpired since I last left you, in bullets so I don't ramble (as we know I can tend to do when given the opportunity to talk about myself).

• Birthday: beers, Katamari Damacy, more beers, low-key, now closer to 30 than 20 (I have even seen a decline in my getting carded for booze and cigs... And my best friend gave me eye cream for my b-day...)
• Holidays: *shudder* Moving on...
• School: finished one semester, started another last week. This is going to be the best semester ever. I can feel it. All is going so well. Both of my presentations (one paper, one poster) were accepted to regional Psych conference. This news deserves an entry of its own when I haven't had a couple beers. I'll just go on and on about it and what a wonderful mentor Dr. A is and what an honor it is to work with him and how brilliant I think we are and what a badass I think I am and blah blah blah. ;)
• Found community of stepmums who blog, tweet, and otherwise express all of the feelings and thoughts that I had thought I was alone in thinking and feeling. What an enlightening experience it was to discover this and then become a part of that support system for such a confusing and unique experience that only we stepmoms truly understand.
• I cried after the Cowboys lost to the Vikings last week. I am not over it yet, and won't be until spring training starts back up. Even then, I think this one may have hurt the worst yet (Fucking fire Wade already, jebus crust).

Live long and wear a rubber,
Me

I've got blisters on my fingers!!

*Secret prize to the one who can tell me where my title quote comes from!*

Oh my jesus. What a gruelling couple of weeks. Two poster presentations (one of which was a report of my original research...so proud! Significant at p < .001 in support of my hypotheses, bitches!! Rock n Roll.) I (and my research assistants...*ahem*...colleagues) submitted the abstract from our research poster to Regional Psych Conference so that might be cool. I'll already be there to co-present the study Dr. A and I finished this semester so why not? The study I designed was novel in the method I used to measure this particular phenomenon, and with such significant results (even controlling for extraneous variables), two of my professors are encouraging me to write up a manuscript and submit it for publishing. There went my winter break!! Ha! Can't hurt my chances of being accepted to #1 Grad School Choice.

I also gave an oral presentation last week. That was traumatizing and I don't want to talk about it. Although I will tell you that Prof Red Hair did not give my group feedback on/approval of our powerpoint until the NIGHT before the presentation, although I submitted them before Thanksgiving...3 times...emailed her the week before the presentation to make sure she got the files... She claimed she never received the files - although I sent them from 2 different email accounts, over Blackboard, and at 3 different times... So, I forwarded her the email "sent" receipts along with the powerpoint Saturday 12/5 (Presentation was scheduled for either 12/8 or 12/10...her choice and a "surpise" found out by each group at the beginning of class 12/8). I didn't hear back from her after her "I got the files, have this back to you asap" email Saturday night so I emailed her AGAIN to "gently remind her" on Monday morning (day before possible presenting) and she claims she sent the files back (w/comments) on Saturday (I didn't get anything...in either email account...in either junk folder) and resent them to me. So, my group, who were waiting to practice the presentation until we got her approval of our slides (which she had us change the actual organization/structure of the presentation itself DRASTICALLY, although all content was fine so practicing prior to those changes would have been pointless anyway). We got to practice 2 1/2 times before class the next day (between morning class and Dr Red Hair's class). With an entirely new format (order) of the slides. We thought maybe she'd assign us to present on Thursday since we were the only group who hadn't heard back from her by the weekend of Thanksgiving... Nope. She had us go that day. Less than 18 hours after she let us know about the drastic changes we needed to make to our presentation... I was prepared as in I knew that material inside and out but I only got to practice it outloud twice, during which I ended up cutting out most of my "in depth" slides for time (and they were so awesome!) so I actually never got to practice the final product before presenting.
Dr. Red Hair is now Dr. Fucking Cunt. The presentation went fine as far as staying on time and getting our points across but my usual enthusiastic, confident speaker-self was too nervous and angry to be anything other than monotone, trying not to talk too fast, could be a freshman speaker.

We got an A but lots of "constructive comments" about our obvious nervousness, monotone speech pattern, lack of enthusiasm, checking our notes a lot (although not reading straight off of them), and lots of hesitations. Yeah, I wonder why...
Oh well, I didn't complain and I didn't make any excuses because it wasn't worth it. And I could tell that she knew she fucked that one up.

Thursday, after my two posters, I was interviewed with my hubby by one of The Daily Show correspondents for a segment airing after the 1st of the year. Can't give specifics but they did send a crew out to my house, who turned my living room into a TV studio, complete with make-up artist. It was so much fun. If you catch it and you know who I am, please know that I would only ever do such things for Jon Stewart, The Daily Show, and to rub my immoral progressive-ness in the faces of all those conservative bastards denying basic human rights to those they've deemed undeserving based on archaic fairy tales written by patriarchal, homophobic assholes.

Anyway, the semester is almost over. After last week, I have been struggling to give a flying fuck about finals but finals are a breeze at this point (I actually studied during the semester and went to almost all of my classes this semester!). I aced my first final in the Cog Psych class. I also got a 90 on my History of Modern Science final although I haven't submitted it yet (online exam - all essay). I think the professor made a "best guess" as to what students would make so he could take off (he travels a lot) and forgo the whole grading essay question test answers thing. Ha.

Anyway, this was a gruelling semester (15 hours, 3 research studies - 2 of which I designed, all upper level classes - mostly 4000 level) and I am ready for a (few) beer(s) as soon as I get out of my last final on Thursday afternoon. Drinks around 4pm Thursday at local bar in SCU town! Who's down?? ;)

-Me

Dick with the Truth Segment: Entertainment?? Really?

So here is my "I can't fucking believe there is an audience for this shit" list:

• The Saw movies (seriously, who the fuck is buying enough tickets to this torture-porn bullshit that could warrant FIVE sequels???)
• Jeff Dunham (A ventriloquist who perpetuates stereotypes about Muslims, African-Americans, the elderly, Latinos, and purple hand puppets with green hair? And he's not funny. Ever. Even if this mega-douche was funny, I couldn't watch his act out of sheer principle.)
• Glenn Beck (Pull the silver spoon out of your ass, you whiny bitch. There's nothing more pathetic than a pasty white 40-something year old man-child who smears vaporub underneath his eyes to get out of being logical. You need a truth enema, asshole.)
• Tyra Banks (Take your cutesy psuedo-feminism and shove it up your "va-jay-jay", please.)
• Rock of Love, all of its spin-offs, Flava-of-Love, that Tila Tequila bullshit...basically everything that is on MTV and VH1 these days. Get a fucking life, people. I can't stand drama in my own life and I sure as hell don't want to watch a bunch of fuck-wads feigning emotional hell on TV either.
• Perez Hilton. Okay, we get it. Your a bitchy, gay latino who loves to hate celebrities and draw penises all over their pictures. Over it. (Props for bringing down that Carrie Prenshaw blowhard though)
• Jennifer Aniston movies (all of them)
• The Blue Collar Comedy Tour (You know you're a redneck if you think this bullshit is funny. Personally, it makes me want to throw myself in front of a speeding Nascar...car. Oh, the redundancy!)
• And finally... All the Fucking Vampire Bullshit!! When did vampires become cool again*?? (*Whether they were ever actually cool is debatable.) Sure, I'll admit, I watched a couple episodes of Buffy here and there (mainly only the ones that centered around that super-hot Faith chick) and The Lost Boys is a classic...But that was over a decade ago!! Jesus, how many different twists can there possibly to a vampire plot? They live forever, suck blood, and you can kill them with wooden stakes if you use nubile teen girls as bait. That's it. Holy fuck.

Who says academia can't be sexy?

Today, someone asked me, "What's up with the Hustler shirt?" that I was wearing. A witty comeback like, "Oh, it came with my subscription," would have been awesome but the question caught sleep-deprived me by surprise and, of course, a clever retort didn't pop into my head until way later. Instead of a nice sarcastic, "Oh, yeah. They give me these whenever I finish a photo shoot," I just blushed. The literal answer would be that Larry Flynt is a feminist and Hustler, preferably the Canadian version, is the only "mainstream" porn I can buy w/out feeling like a bad feminist or driving all the way to the xxx store. Oh yeah, and the shirt was $2 at the thrift store. Ha.

It has been a long and busy start to the semester. All my classes are going well. Cognitive Psych is maybe my favorite class that I have taken thus far. I have multiple nerd-gasms during each lecture. It's so fascinating. The time flies by. My lab partner (cute outdoorsy chick that I was in 3 classes with last semester) and I both groan in disappointment when each class ends. It really is that interesting. Plus, I don't know what people are talking about when they say Dr. RH is a bitch. Sure, she expects her students to attend class, pay attention during lecture, read the textbook, and at least make an effort to do well but I have had nothing but good experiences with her thus far.

Speaking of, after learning about my career goals/interests in working with veterans with PTSD Dr. RH let me know that she had done some research in grad school with vets who had PTSD so I met with her on Monday to ask her about her experiences in more detail. We had a really good conversation. Turns out her dad, husband, and son were/are in the military (her son just got back from Iraq) and so we talked about our personal experiences with our family members who have served. She's a first-generation college student like me, is homeschooling her daughter (and homeschooled her son) like I plan on doing (or rather my house-husband aspiring husband will mostly do), and we are very similar in our passion for psychology and intrinsic motivation for learning. She had some really great advice on grad school, becoming a professor, working with military service men/women in research, etc. I have to admit, it feels really great to get along so well with someone that everyone else greatly admires (and fears).

The research project that I'm working on with Dr. A is going through it's 3rd (and hopefully final) IRB evaluation. The IRB (institutional review board) at SCU is ridiculously strict. I'm not going to bore you with the details of what they have asked us to change before resubmitting our study for approval, but lets just say they are acting like our survey asks participants graphically detailed questions about past sexual abuse (it doesn't...nothing even close).

Other than that, it's going great. Preliminary research is done. Lit review outline is done. Survey is up on the survey host website and ready to go once we get approval to start recruiting participants. Dr. A and I work together well (so far and from my perspective anyway). ;) I set tomorrow aside to start writing the lit review. I can't wait to start analyzing data. Goddamn litigious society.

I saw super-ridiculously hot grad student who taught the Abnormal Psych class I took last semester. She stopped by to say hi while I was in Dr. A's office for a project meeting today. We hugged (she touched me...*sigh*). Haha. She's so sweet. We got along really well last semester and kept in touch over the summer. I gave her a bunch of info on some stuff we're both interested in and links to great teaching resources last semester and she talks to/treats me like an equal. We're supposed to get together for coffee soon. We have freakishly similar personality traits, demeanor and interests. The way she utilized her personality in the classroom is what made me realize I could teach. Oh yeah, and she's so hot. And not just "hot for a professor (or I guess in her case, grad teaching assistant)" but "stranger who stops you in your tracks as she walks by" hot. But I digress...

My Cowboys won against the Buccaneers Sunday, which made me a very happy J. I went over to Jed's* to watch the game on his mega-screen. DH came over a little later with the kids to hang out with Leslie*. Jed & Leslie are our (DH & me) "couple best friends," if that makes sense. Anyway, someone was asking me why my hubbie didn't watch the game with me. I told him that DH doesn't like to watch football. This Cretan said, "What?? Well, he must not be a real man if he doesn't watch football!" I looked Mr. Gender-Role Compliance in the face and replied, "I didn't know watching football is what makes you a man. Maybe I should let my vagina know about this." He looked pretty horrified. I don't know if it was because everyone else laughed or because I said "vagina" instead of something else to describe my female-ness (ha!).

Anyway, until the next time I can't sleep but am too tired to do anything other than ramble on and on...

It takes courage to enjoy it. The hardcore and the gentle, big time sensuality.
-Bjork

-Me

*Names have been changed to protect anonymity.

Blogger Sobriety Test

So, I do this thing when I'm not sober and around a computer. It's called "copy & paste lyrics from songs" and I'm pretty sure that, at the time, I'm trying to be deep and meaningful.

I usually delete these inane blogs the next day but I'm not going to anymore. For one, they still show up in Google Reader. Plus, they're pretty funny, in a ridiculously silly sort of way.

Like, for example, this morning's (or "last night's") lyrics come from a song that I can't get out of my head. "Strange & Beautiful" by Aqualung. It is a pretty deep song and it does hold some meaning for me...

It is the song that I record over and over and over onto multiple cassette tapes, which I then send to Keith Olbermann 3x a week. I thought maybe he'd be inspired by this gesture to lift the restraining order against me but instead he changed the "Can't come within 500 ft." rule to a more restrictive 100 ft.

I mean, what does he really think a silly, obsessed female fan is capable of? Driving across the country in diapers to kidnap his blonde, 25 yr old girlfriend? Sneaking into his apartment to steal his brain to keep in a jar so we can communicate telepathically? I mean, really, Keith. Geez...

Speaking of brains in jars, I figured out what my M.O. would be if I were a serial killer (don't you love the twisted things people who study psychology think upon?).

If I were a serial killer:

• I'd murder college professors, extract their brains and then keep their brains in jars of formaldehyde in my basement so I could feed off of their knowledge
• I would stick wax lips on the jars although they wouldn't need lips because we would only communicate telepathically
• I would be schizophrenic, although the diagnosis wouldn't come until my capture since the schizophrenia only just now developed in my mid-twenties
• "The Man with Two Brains" with Steve Martin was my favorite movie as a child

So, that thought came to me the other day and I thought I'd share. If someone steals this idea for a movie or an episode of Law & Order: CI, I will sue that person for millions, so don't even think about it.

Academic Dreams About Holding a "Stimulating" Conversation

Last night I dreamt about someone whom I admire greatly. But instead of a normal sex dream, I dreamt about talking to this person for hours. Literally, all night long, I dreamt about talking to someone that I find attractive.

I think my brain needs to get laid. Has it really been that long since I've had intellectual intercourse?

Eat a Bag o' Dicks

So, recently a nosy classmate asked me how I did on a freshly graded test. When I told her, she asked me, "What? I got a D. How did you get an A?"

I looked around to make sure no one was listening, leaned in and dramatically whispered, "I have a copy of the answers for all of the tests in this class."

Her eyes widened and she whispered back, "Holy shit... Where did you get them? Can I buy them from you?"

I looked at her with the most ernestly faked expression of confusion and asked, "I got them at the bookstore. Don't you have them, too?" as I pointed to the textbook sitting in front of her.

No wonder I never get invited to parties. Ha.

Funny Astrology Indulgence & KO and Rachel Maddow Return...Finally!

So, I get bombarded with horoscope emails daily. Every so often, I'll open one up for a laugh. Here's my "overview" for today.

I think this one is telling me to have a threesome. Sweet!!These are the times that try your soul, because deciding between the interests of your dear ones and the demands of your libido won't be an easy thing to negotiate. Ah, well. If all else fails, including the mediation of an impartial third party, take a good, long time-out.

And I came down with Strep throat today...I'd say this is creepy if it wasn't for the 60 million other Scorpios who are also probably sick and freaking out over this one.Your first impulse will be to ignore it and bravely go on. Don't. Epic sagas aren't written about someone who was cranky from the flu. Go home. Tend to yourself.

Anyway, just thought I'd share. Took my first final this morning. Got an A in the class (Tests & Measurements). Have to get a 77/100 on my Mod Political Thought final tomorrow to make an A in that class so I'm golden. I'm never taking 2 Summer session classes simultaneously AGAIN.

I forgot to mention, Keith O and Rachel Maddow are back from vacation so I can start watching cable news again. For my sake, please never, ever take vacations at the same time, guys. That was torture...There was no one else to revel in Palin stepping down as Governor, no one to countdown Worst Persons, no one to make all the same political jokes that I made 2 days prior... Anyway, I'm glad you're both back!