The end of an era...or year-long project...

Long time, blogger. Typically, I would do the catch-up-on-life post but no one reads this one (literally) and writing a recant of the past couple of months would keep me procrastinating for months to come. Besides, this is my 'secret' public blog, remember?

It's sitting in my inbox right now. The ever-so-daunting manuscript that has been haunting my desktop from a folder marked "Dr.-A's-Last-Name Research" for months. Dr. A and I worked on finishing it over the break and now his final edits are sitting in my Outlook inbox waiting for me to review and approve before sending it off to the publisher.

And I don't want to open it.

This project has been the source of almost a year's worth of my focus, procrastination, passion, frustration, excitement, and insomnia. I know I will be depressed when it is all said and done. It happens after every major accomplishment, even though I expect it. The slump, the deer in the headlights feeling, like I've forgotten something vital or can't remember if I put my name on a 16 page term paper... It always follows the initial celebration.

I think I might be addicted to stress.
Bah.

Plus, I will miss the extra time spent with my mentor and colleague though I'm sure he will be glad to finally get a break from my crass humor, drunk emails (not inappropriate, mind you. More like "dude, you should see zombieland. It rocks!"), and pretending I'm smart. Ah well, such is my first academic collaboration experience. I'm sure future colleagues will come and go and eventually I'll forget who I wrote "such and such" with or investigated "whatchamacallit" alongside.

But I'll never forget my first. ;)

At least I still have the conference to look forward to. I've got plenty of adrenaline left for the panic I will feel as I realize I'm the only undergrad in the room, let alone presenting a research paper. Thank gods for social facilitation and over-confidence in my abilities (all of them).

Oh, attachment, open you I must.

And so it goes...

Who says academia can't be sexy?

Today, someone asked me, "What's up with the Hustler shirt?" that I was wearing. A witty comeback like, "Oh, it came with my subscription," would have been awesome but the question caught sleep-deprived me by surprise and, of course, a clever retort didn't pop into my head until way later. Instead of a nice sarcastic, "Oh, yeah. They give me these whenever I finish a photo shoot," I just blushed. The literal answer would be that Larry Flynt is a feminist and Hustler, preferably the Canadian version, is the only "mainstream" porn I can buy w/out feeling like a bad feminist or driving all the way to the xxx store. Oh yeah, and the shirt was $2 at the thrift store. Ha.

It has been a long and busy start to the semester. All my classes are going well. Cognitive Psych is maybe my favorite class that I have taken thus far. I have multiple nerd-gasms during each lecture. It's so fascinating. The time flies by. My lab partner (cute outdoorsy chick that I was in 3 classes with last semester) and I both groan in disappointment when each class ends. It really is that interesting. Plus, I don't know what people are talking about when they say Dr. RH is a bitch. Sure, she expects her students to attend class, pay attention during lecture, read the textbook, and at least make an effort to do well but I have had nothing but good experiences with her thus far.

Speaking of, after learning about my career goals/interests in working with veterans with PTSD Dr. RH let me know that she had done some research in grad school with vets who had PTSD so I met with her on Monday to ask her about her experiences in more detail. We had a really good conversation. Turns out her dad, husband, and son were/are in the military (her son just got back from Iraq) and so we talked about our personal experiences with our family members who have served. She's a first-generation college student like me, is homeschooling her daughter (and homeschooled her son) like I plan on doing (or rather my house-husband aspiring husband will mostly do), and we are very similar in our passion for psychology and intrinsic motivation for learning. She had some really great advice on grad school, becoming a professor, working with military service men/women in research, etc. I have to admit, it feels really great to get along so well with someone that everyone else greatly admires (and fears).

The research project that I'm working on with Dr. A is going through it's 3rd (and hopefully final) IRB evaluation. The IRB (institutional review board) at SCU is ridiculously strict. I'm not going to bore you with the details of what they have asked us to change before resubmitting our study for approval, but lets just say they are acting like our survey asks participants graphically detailed questions about past sexual abuse (it doesn't...nothing even close).

Other than that, it's going great. Preliminary research is done. Lit review outline is done. Survey is up on the survey host website and ready to go once we get approval to start recruiting participants. Dr. A and I work together well (so far and from my perspective anyway). ;) I set tomorrow aside to start writing the lit review. I can't wait to start analyzing data. Goddamn litigious society.

I saw super-ridiculously hot grad student who taught the Abnormal Psych class I took last semester. She stopped by to say hi while I was in Dr. A's office for a project meeting today. We hugged (she touched me...*sigh*). Haha. She's so sweet. We got along really well last semester and kept in touch over the summer. I gave her a bunch of info on some stuff we're both interested in and links to great teaching resources last semester and she talks to/treats me like an equal. We're supposed to get together for coffee soon. We have freakishly similar personality traits, demeanor and interests. The way she utilized her personality in the classroom is what made me realize I could teach. Oh yeah, and she's so hot. And not just "hot for a professor (or I guess in her case, grad teaching assistant)" but "stranger who stops you in your tracks as she walks by" hot. But I digress...

My Cowboys won against the Buccaneers Sunday, which made me a very happy J. I went over to Jed's* to watch the game on his mega-screen. DH came over a little later with the kids to hang out with Leslie*. Jed & Leslie are our (DH & me) "couple best friends," if that makes sense. Anyway, someone was asking me why my hubbie didn't watch the game with me. I told him that DH doesn't like to watch football. This Cretan said, "What?? Well, he must not be a real man if he doesn't watch football!" I looked Mr. Gender-Role Compliance in the face and replied, "I didn't know watching football is what makes you a man. Maybe I should let my vagina know about this." He looked pretty horrified. I don't know if it was because everyone else laughed or because I said "vagina" instead of something else to describe my female-ness (ha!).

Anyway, until the next time I can't sleep but am too tired to do anything other than ramble on and on...

It takes courage to enjoy it. The hardcore and the gentle, big time sensuality.
-Bjork

-Me

*Names have been changed to protect anonymity.

Free Show

So, the "new" dress I got at the thrift store this weekend...turns out it is see-thru. I did not notice this until, wearing said dress, I was walking to class this morning. It is moments like these that really test your confidence. Your welcome, students and faculty of SCU.

At least I can hide in the library for the rest of the day...

S.M.I.L.F.

So today I found out that I am a Step-M.I.L.F. (or SMILF). I think it's a cross between a smurf and a hot mom.

That is all.

Rectal Exams and Ringtones

(Originally posted on 3/11/09 at 8:13 PM)

hey there

last week I had 2 of the most embarrassing moments of my life in the same day. Thought I'd share...

1st, I was bleeding...from the booty...so I went to the ER per DH's insisting. I was also in a lot of pain so probably good thing I went. Well, the doc I got was this huge Italian mafia-looking doctor with giant fingers. He had me "assume the position" and stuck one of those giant fingers entirely into my rectum...while the hottest nurse I've ever seen stood by and watched (DH tried to reassure me that "maybe she liked it" ha). anyway i was fine (nothing major, just stress-induced colon blockage ha).

2nd, While taking my PhysioPsych exam, my phone went off. I couldn't find it so the entire ringtone played. Twice. Not that big of a deal, right? happens all the time...

Well, my ringtone goes something like this (by Of Montreal):

Want you to be my pleasure puss

I wanna know what it's like to be inside you...

Thankfully Dr. A just laughed and pretended not to look up from his book but the entire class laughed. I now have flashbacks when my phone rings.

That's all. I'll post a pic of my blockage xray later.

- Me

Ps at least I got a 96 on the test!