I've got blisters on my fingers!!

*Secret prize to the one who can tell me where my title quote comes from!*

Oh my jesus. What a gruelling couple of weeks. Two poster presentations (one of which was a report of my original research...so proud! Significant at p < .001 in support of my hypotheses, bitches!! Rock n Roll.) I (and my research assistants...*ahem*...colleagues) submitted the abstract from our research poster to Regional Psych Conference so that might be cool. I'll already be there to co-present the study Dr. A and I finished this semester so why not? The study I designed was novel in the method I used to measure this particular phenomenon, and with such significant results (even controlling for extraneous variables), two of my professors are encouraging me to write up a manuscript and submit it for publishing. There went my winter break!! Ha! Can't hurt my chances of being accepted to #1 Grad School Choice.

I also gave an oral presentation last week. That was traumatizing and I don't want to talk about it. Although I will tell you that Prof Red Hair did not give my group feedback on/approval of our powerpoint until the NIGHT before the presentation, although I submitted them before Thanksgiving...3 times...emailed her the week before the presentation to make sure she got the files... She claimed she never received the files - although I sent them from 2 different email accounts, over Blackboard, and at 3 different times... So, I forwarded her the email "sent" receipts along with the powerpoint Saturday 12/5 (Presentation was scheduled for either 12/8 or 12/10...her choice and a "surpise" found out by each group at the beginning of class 12/8). I didn't hear back from her after her "I got the files, have this back to you asap" email Saturday night so I emailed her AGAIN to "gently remind her" on Monday morning (day before possible presenting) and she claims she sent the files back (w/comments) on Saturday (I didn't get anything...in either email account...in either junk folder) and resent them to me. So, my group, who were waiting to practice the presentation until we got her approval of our slides (which she had us change the actual organization/structure of the presentation itself DRASTICALLY, although all content was fine so practicing prior to those changes would have been pointless anyway). We got to practice 2 1/2 times before class the next day (between morning class and Dr Red Hair's class). With an entirely new format (order) of the slides. We thought maybe she'd assign us to present on Thursday since we were the only group who hadn't heard back from her by the weekend of Thanksgiving... Nope. She had us go that day. Less than 18 hours after she let us know about the drastic changes we needed to make to our presentation... I was prepared as in I knew that material inside and out but I only got to practice it outloud twice, during which I ended up cutting out most of my "in depth" slides for time (and they were so awesome!) so I actually never got to practice the final product before presenting.
Dr. Red Hair is now Dr. Fucking Cunt. The presentation went fine as far as staying on time and getting our points across but my usual enthusiastic, confident speaker-self was too nervous and angry to be anything other than monotone, trying not to talk too fast, could be a freshman speaker.

We got an A but lots of "constructive comments" about our obvious nervousness, monotone speech pattern, lack of enthusiasm, checking our notes a lot (although not reading straight off of them), and lots of hesitations. Yeah, I wonder why...
Oh well, I didn't complain and I didn't make any excuses because it wasn't worth it. And I could tell that she knew she fucked that one up.

Thursday, after my two posters, I was interviewed with my hubby by one of The Daily Show correspondents for a segment airing after the 1st of the year. Can't give specifics but they did send a crew out to my house, who turned my living room into a TV studio, complete with make-up artist. It was so much fun. If you catch it and you know who I am, please know that I would only ever do such things for Jon Stewart, The Daily Show, and to rub my immoral progressive-ness in the faces of all those conservative bastards denying basic human rights to those they've deemed undeserving based on archaic fairy tales written by patriarchal, homophobic assholes.

Anyway, the semester is almost over. After last week, I have been struggling to give a flying fuck about finals but finals are a breeze at this point (I actually studied during the semester and went to almost all of my classes this semester!). I aced my first final in the Cog Psych class. I also got a 90 on my History of Modern Science final although I haven't submitted it yet (online exam - all essay). I think the professor made a "best guess" as to what students would make so he could take off (he travels a lot) and forgo the whole grading essay question test answers thing. Ha.

Anyway, this was a gruelling semester (15 hours, 3 research studies - 2 of which I designed, all upper level classes - mostly 4000 level) and I am ready for a (few) beer(s) as soon as I get out of my last final on Thursday afternoon. Drinks around 4pm Thursday at local bar in SCU town! Who's down?? ;)

-Me

Inane Statistics

I've been thinking about how inane the phrase, "I don't want to be just another statistic," is. I mean, you are always part of the statistic. For example, the statistic that relates the chance of 2nd marriages involving children from a previous relationship is highest in the first 2 years of remarriage... I made it past 2 years but that just means that I'll be in the part of the data set that either divorces in the first 5 years or after the first 10 years or stays married til death do us part. I'm still a statistic.

Inanity.

I know, weird post for such a long hiatus but I have a shit ton on my plate right now and I don't feel like sharing. So deal. :p

Doctors and Dentists and Deadlines, Oh My!

So, I have a shit ton o' work to do but I'm taking a break to tell you that I love my doctor. My Primary Care Physician is a super-religious man who doesn't believe in evolution and always cracks at least 5 jokes referencing the age difference between me and hubbie (he's our family doc so he also loves to tease my stepkids by asking about their "new sister" when they go in with their dad...). He also blames everything that ails me on my vegetarianism (or being married to an "old guy"). Some of his jokes are tolerable because they give me a chance to come up with some snarky comeback, displaying my infallible wit (Ha!), and he stares at my boobs a lot (which is funnier than his jokes).

But I can overlook all of his misdiagnoses and pseudo-comedy for the fact that, although his patients typically describe his script writing as "stingy" (to say the least), he never holds out on me when it comes to the good meds. I don't know if it's because I'm so witty or so titty, but I always get the good shit without having to ask. Hell, maybe it's cause I don't ask for it. Whatever. All I know is I had an appointment today to get him to look at my face again (I've had a crazy rash since June, which he has misdiagnosed twice now, bastard) and I walked out of his office with antibiotics (for my impetigo, the latest diagnosis, and I believe the correct one), a hand full of Soma samples (and not like 4 but like 24), and a script for 60 Lortab. Granted, in addition to the Impetigo mess on my face (not the impetigo that has crazy pus-filled blisters, by the way, but the strep strain one, which still looks like shit though not as leprous as the staph one...but I digress), I also mentioned the immense pain caused by throwing my back out last week. It has gotten better than it was (think unrelenting sharp pain when you move and when you're completely still), and I mentioned that it isn't as bad this week, but, like I said, he throws the good shit at me. Maybe he feels sorry for me because he thinks it must suck to have caught "being old and decrepit" from my hubbie (which explains all aches and pains, apparently).

Anyway, just thought I'd brag about my awesome legal stash of drugs. I also went to the dentist to get a replacement crown (my permanent crown, done by a different DDS, recently shattered) and they pulled some strings (aka forged some documents, I think) to get it covered by my insurance (fucking enough with the preexisting condition clauses already). Saved me $800. Today was a good healthcare day, thanks to the health care providers and not the insurance fuckwads, of course.

Oh yeah, and shame on you, Maine. I cried when I heard about your vote to deny legal marriage rights to same-sex couples, even though this basic civil right had already been granted by your state legislators. And I never fucking cry. Just think, if they had let the states vote on slavery and racial equality laws, we'd still have slaves in the South... This is why equality legislation needs to be enacted at the federal level. There are too many small-minded, religious fucks who are stuck in their hateful ways to ever move past this unfair, yet still legal, discrimination present in our state law books.

And, kudos for trying, Washington State, but "separate but equal" is not equal. I mean, personally, if I had fallen for a lady, marriage wouldn't have been a big deal for me. Let the church keep their ancient rites. The institution of marriage is an archaic practice based on religious beliefs anyway. I only got married for the tax breaks (and the life insurance). To me, love doesn't need the constraints of ancient tradition to thrive (monogamy isn't natural, but that's an entirely different blog). Civil unions are alright with me and my hypothetical lady love. I would just want the same legal rights that the privileged heterosexuals get when they get hitched. But, if you are going to do this "separate but equal" crap and turn marriage into this holy grail that cannot be sullied by us dirty homos, then you have made it into what it is. Civil unions for everyone (gay or straight) and let the church perform their marriage ceremonies as a separate entity OR legal marriage for everyone. Love is love is love is love and no one can govern that, no matter how hard you try.

Dick with the Truth Segment: Entertainment?? Really?

So here is my "I can't fucking believe there is an audience for this shit" list:

• The Saw movies (seriously, who the fuck is buying enough tickets to this torture-porn bullshit that could warrant FIVE sequels???)
• Jeff Dunham (A ventriloquist who perpetuates stereotypes about Muslims, African-Americans, the elderly, Latinos, and purple hand puppets with green hair? And he's not funny. Ever. Even if this mega-douche was funny, I couldn't watch his act out of sheer principle.)
• Glenn Beck (Pull the silver spoon out of your ass, you whiny bitch. There's nothing more pathetic than a pasty white 40-something year old man-child who smears vaporub underneath his eyes to get out of being logical. You need a truth enema, asshole.)
• Tyra Banks (Take your cutesy psuedo-feminism and shove it up your "va-jay-jay", please.)
• Rock of Love, all of its spin-offs, Flava-of-Love, that Tila Tequila bullshit...basically everything that is on MTV and VH1 these days. Get a fucking life, people. I can't stand drama in my own life and I sure as hell don't want to watch a bunch of fuck-wads feigning emotional hell on TV either.
• Perez Hilton. Okay, we get it. Your a bitchy, gay latino who loves to hate celebrities and draw penises all over their pictures. Over it. (Props for bringing down that Carrie Prenshaw blowhard though)
• Jennifer Aniston movies (all of them)
• The Blue Collar Comedy Tour (You know you're a redneck if you think this bullshit is funny. Personally, it makes me want to throw myself in front of a speeding Nascar...car. Oh, the redundancy!)
• And finally... All the Fucking Vampire Bullshit!! When did vampires become cool again*?? (*Whether they were ever actually cool is debatable.) Sure, I'll admit, I watched a couple episodes of Buffy here and there (mainly only the ones that centered around that super-hot Faith chick) and The Lost Boys is a classic...But that was over a decade ago!! Jesus, how many different twists can there possibly to a vampire plot? They live forever, suck blood, and you can kill them with wooden stakes if you use nubile teen girls as bait. That's it. Holy fuck.

Lit Reviews, Statistical Support, and Rabbit Holes...Oh My!

This lit review for Dr. A's study is making me want to bang my head against hard objects...repeatedly. I have it all soooooo organized, with the citations placed within their spot on the outline, and the articles all stacked/saved in the order they will be cited within the article. Yet, once I sit down to write, it is all for naught. *sigh* The rule is: Must sit down to write for AT LEAST 30 minutes per day until it is finished. (I'm not going to tell you what my reward system is but trust me, it will get me moving.)

In my Experimental Psych class, Dr. Heart Throb, and the rest of the class, chose my experimental design for a class project. It was a study on the sexual double standard. I'm not going to go into technical details, as they would bore you, but my idea rocked. And my hypothesis, supported. There's nothing like designing your first experment, gathering and analyzing data, and getting statistically significant results in support of your hypothesis...if you are a super-nerdy budding scientist like me, that is.
Speaking of, I think Dr. HT is growing on me. Funny how I didn't get why everyone thought he was hot until he mentioned his subscription to my favorite magazine (Scientific American) and ran some extra, unnecessary post-hocs on my data (just for fun) at my request (despite the resounding groans of everyone else in that class). There's something wrong with me. Ha.

Anyway, all A's thus far in my classes. I'm not looking forward to the 3 poster presentations all within 2 days of each other, but I'm not worried about them either. Metric is coming in December, Peaches/Butthole Surfers at the end of this month...at least a couple things to look forward to. No Cowboys game this weekend, but oh well.

Oh yeah, and you can SUCK IT, Medco. I hope you (the company as a whole) die when the healthcare bill gets passed, you fucking assholes.

*deep breath*

Sorry 'bout that, you guys. Have a good week(end).

-Me

You Are, It's True

Fuck you, flu. Just when I thought we were done for good, my fever comes back today and I'm quarantined in my bedroom again. *Sigh* At least I was able to hijack the laptop and I still have the special features from I Love You, Man to watch (so hilarious). Too bad I have a shit ton of work to do this weekend/beginning of next week. Not to mention the Cowboys are playing the Panthers Monday night and I really wanted to hit the bar to watch it after my Bioethics class lets out. Should be an easy win (knock on wood) and I'll be getting rowdy (translation, DH won't appreciate me watching the game at home). Hopefully this Tamiflu won't let me down and I'll be back up to 100% by Monday.

So, everyone in my house has the flu and I'm feeling pretty out of it today (good sign that I'm next). Sucks.

Tomorrow is DH and I's 2nd wedding anniversary. I just found out that it is also National Celebrate Bisexuality Day tomorrow. I just picked 9/23 as a wedding date cuz 23 is my favorite number. Funny.

I missed Pride yesterday because of work I had to do for school. It was supposedly awesome. We took the kids last year. It was cool because, after the parade, #2 told us he didn't know yet if he liked boys or girls but it is cool to know that we'll accept him, whether he's gay or straight. That was what I was hoping the kids would get out of it (plus the culture, of course). I'm such a flaming liberal.

Oh yeah, and the IRB approved the study, finally. Woot!!

Who says academia can't be sexy?

Today, someone asked me, "What's up with the Hustler shirt?" that I was wearing. A witty comeback like, "Oh, it came with my subscription," would have been awesome but the question caught sleep-deprived me by surprise and, of course, a clever retort didn't pop into my head until way later. Instead of a nice sarcastic, "Oh, yeah. They give me these whenever I finish a photo shoot," I just blushed. The literal answer would be that Larry Flynt is a feminist and Hustler, preferably the Canadian version, is the only "mainstream" porn I can buy w/out feeling like a bad feminist or driving all the way to the xxx store. Oh yeah, and the shirt was $2 at the thrift store. Ha.

It has been a long and busy start to the semester. All my classes are going well. Cognitive Psych is maybe my favorite class that I have taken thus far. I have multiple nerd-gasms during each lecture. It's so fascinating. The time flies by. My lab partner (cute outdoorsy chick that I was in 3 classes with last semester) and I both groan in disappointment when each class ends. It really is that interesting. Plus, I don't know what people are talking about when they say Dr. RH is a bitch. Sure, she expects her students to attend class, pay attention during lecture, read the textbook, and at least make an effort to do well but I have had nothing but good experiences with her thus far.

Speaking of, after learning about my career goals/interests in working with veterans with PTSD Dr. RH let me know that she had done some research in grad school with vets who had PTSD so I met with her on Monday to ask her about her experiences in more detail. We had a really good conversation. Turns out her dad, husband, and son were/are in the military (her son just got back from Iraq) and so we talked about our personal experiences with our family members who have served. She's a first-generation college student like me, is homeschooling her daughter (and homeschooled her son) like I plan on doing (or rather my house-husband aspiring husband will mostly do), and we are very similar in our passion for psychology and intrinsic motivation for learning. She had some really great advice on grad school, becoming a professor, working with military service men/women in research, etc. I have to admit, it feels really great to get along so well with someone that everyone else greatly admires (and fears).

The research project that I'm working on with Dr. A is going through it's 3rd (and hopefully final) IRB evaluation. The IRB (institutional review board) at SCU is ridiculously strict. I'm not going to bore you with the details of what they have asked us to change before resubmitting our study for approval, but lets just say they are acting like our survey asks participants graphically detailed questions about past sexual abuse (it doesn't...nothing even close).

Other than that, it's going great. Preliminary research is done. Lit review outline is done. Survey is up on the survey host website and ready to go once we get approval to start recruiting participants. Dr. A and I work together well (so far and from my perspective anyway). ;) I set tomorrow aside to start writing the lit review. I can't wait to start analyzing data. Goddamn litigious society.

I saw super-ridiculously hot grad student who taught the Abnormal Psych class I took last semester. She stopped by to say hi while I was in Dr. A's office for a project meeting today. We hugged (she touched me...*sigh*). Haha. She's so sweet. We got along really well last semester and kept in touch over the summer. I gave her a bunch of info on some stuff we're both interested in and links to great teaching resources last semester and she talks to/treats me like an equal. We're supposed to get together for coffee soon. We have freakishly similar personality traits, demeanor and interests. The way she utilized her personality in the classroom is what made me realize I could teach. Oh yeah, and she's so hot. And not just "hot for a professor (or I guess in her case, grad teaching assistant)" but "stranger who stops you in your tracks as she walks by" hot. But I digress...

My Cowboys won against the Buccaneers Sunday, which made me a very happy J. I went over to Jed's* to watch the game on his mega-screen. DH came over a little later with the kids to hang out with Leslie*. Jed & Leslie are our (DH & me) "couple best friends," if that makes sense. Anyway, someone was asking me why my hubbie didn't watch the game with me. I told him that DH doesn't like to watch football. This Cretan said, "What?? Well, he must not be a real man if he doesn't watch football!" I looked Mr. Gender-Role Compliance in the face and replied, "I didn't know watching football is what makes you a man. Maybe I should let my vagina know about this." He looked pretty horrified. I don't know if it was because everyone else laughed or because I said "vagina" instead of something else to describe my female-ness (ha!).

Anyway, until the next time I can't sleep but am too tired to do anything other than ramble on and on...

It takes courage to enjoy it. The hardcore and the gentle, big time sensuality.
-Bjork

-Me

*Names have been changed to protect anonymity.

Are you ready for some football??

Tomorrow marks the first regular season game for the Dallas Cowboys. I am so excited. Every year, after the Superbowl ends, I slip into a slight depression that slowly lifts the closer and closer we get to the first day of the NFL regular season.

My husband does not share this exuberant anticipation with me. Poor hubby has tried, with valor, to share my love of the sport with me. I have politely asked him to give up on this commendable effort, though I do appreciate it.

You see, my hubby does not enjoy watching team sports at all. He especially doesn't enjoy football. He doesn't know the rules (which always fascinates me since he played football in high school and I've explained them to him over and over and over again), he thinks it's unnecessarily violent, and he thinks the games are sexist sporting events that exploit women and perpetuate the "masculinity myth" (I never should've made him watch Tough Guise).

Yet, he has made a good effort to watch the games with me in the past 3-4 years. What ends up happening though is he either falls asleep, asks me questions about the rulings the entire time, or talks through the game but watches the commercials (esp. during the Superbowl). So I told him I appreciate the effort, but no offense, I'm going to watch the games with Jef this year.

He was relieved. *Phew* He did tease me and say, "Men who love sports cheat on their wives with women who love sports." I replied with, "Maybe women who love sports cheat on their husbands with men who love sports." He paused and then glared at me.

I love my wife. ;)

Going 70mph in a 20mph School Zone

God, this weekend went by way too fast. This semester is going to go by really fast, I can tell that much already. I always do best under pressure, though, so I'm not stressed. I'm going to bitch about it anyway. Funny how I bitch about not being busy enough and then bitch about being too busy. I doubt a happy medium exists for me.

I loooooove CogPsych. Fascinating, fascinating shit. Last semster I took PhysioPsych, which focused on the physiological mechanisms behind mental processes. CogPsych builds on my knowledge of the anatomy/function of the brain with detail about the mental processes themselves. I will be getting my Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology but Cognitive, Experimental, and Neuro Psychology are all so fascinating. I wish I could just stay in school and get 5 doctorates...

We did have to do some silly exercises in CogLab today though. We had to run through some traffic cone mazes that Dr. RH set up outside. We were supposed to be role playing the "Tolman rats." Then, once back inside, we had to role play action potentials along axons. I got to be the terminal button. I decided to release dopamine.

Oh my god. I am such a fucking nerd.

My labor day weekend was filled with a friend's daughter's first birthday party (babies discovering cake = cute moments hall of fame), reading approximately 25 empirical studies/lit reviews, and doing online CogLab activities. Unfortunately, no beer was consumed. I will make up for this during the first regular season game on Sunday (Go Cowboys!!).

Oh! Oh! A new Michael Moore movie is coming out on October 2nd. I just saw the commercial during one of my Law & Order indulgences (I <3 Goldblum). Anyway, there have been so many movies that have come out recently that I've sworn I'd go see but didn't (e.g. Funny People, District 9, Extract - mmmmm, Jason Bateman...). But Capitalism: A Love Story must be seen opening night.

Speaking of movies, is it just me of should "Love Happens" be renamed to "Another Shitty Jennifer Aniston Romance Movie Happens"?

Insomnia

It sucks when you finish studying at a point in the evening at which it is too late to take your Ambien. *sigh* It's time to get used to morning classes again. It's not that I mind getting up early when I get a good night's sleep... I just so rarely get to sleep before 4AM...

Boo.

New Semester and Blogging Controversy

I know it has been a while, 2 people who read my blog, but I only had 2 weeks of actual summer so my first priority was not sitting at the computer and trying to be witty.

The Fall semester started on Monday. I already love all of my classes.

I'm taking History of Modern Science from a professor who believes in science above all else, like me, and is also really funny. It's not a class in my major, but it will be fun (unlike all of the non-major classes I took for my Ass Degree).

The professor for Experimental Psych is a "heart-throb" according to all of the ladies in my class. So his code-name this semester is "Dr. Heart Throb" or "Dr. HT". He's funny and the class is interesting but I don't think I would describe Dr. HT as a heart throb myself. But what do I know? I'm in love with Keith Olbermann.

The professor for Cognitive Psych looks like she uses the exact same hair dye that I do so I'll call her "Dr. Red Hair" or "Dr. RH". She's a total bad ass. Really knows her shit and doesn't let people get away with being lazy ass snowflakes. This makes sense, as it is a senior level class and required for those on the Grad School track so she has to weed out the losers, yet I keep hearing what a "bitch" she is. When students around campus tell me that Prof. So-and-So is a bitch or "way hard", I immediately sign up for his or her class as it means that Prof. So-and-So will actually challenge me academically. I'm pretty sure the opposite is also true. If I tell someone to avoid a class because the "professor" (usually a grad student) is a dumbass, all the lazy students immediately sign up for the class because it means you really aren't going to have to actively learn anything. But I digress...

I have a Bioethics class this semester too but the first one was canceled and it is a once a week Monday class so I won't know what the professor is like until the 14th.

I have my first meeting with Dr. A tomorrow for the research project I'm assisting him with. I'm so excited! I can't wait to get started. Plus, Dr. A is a badass.

Oh, there was some fairly recent controversy over some stories on my blog being "made up." Frankly, if you can't tell when I'm making something up to be funny versus telling a funny story that actually happened to me, then you don't deserve to know. Those who know me well know when I'm kidding. Plus, this is my blog, on which I post commentary and jokes, updates and fantasies, all of which came from my sick and twisted mind. That should be enough to make it real. Otherwise, why does it matter? If it made you laugh, my job is done.
Al Franken had this same problem, which he addressed in "The Truth (with jokes)":

After my last book, some of younger and/or less bright readers complained that
they couldn't tell when I was joking and when I was merely reporting true things
in a comedic manner.

The only difference between Franken and I is that he went on to inform his readers of when he was joking or not joking. I am not that nice. Plus, I'm not being paid to write this blog, so I don't have to worry about confusing my readers.

So, there!

Non-Traditional Gender Roles

Honey, please don't make fun of me for yelling at the tv during the game. I am well aware of the fact that they can't hear me. Besides, I don't make fun of you for crying during your Sex and the City dvd marathons. And yes, Shoeface's voice overs do really make me want to drive a fork into my own eye.

Olbermann the Bobble Head!!!!!!!!!

If I do not receive this for my birthday (*cough* 11/20 *cough*), then my friends and family will have epically failed:

Blogger Sobriety Test

So, I do this thing when I'm not sober and around a computer. It's called "copy & paste lyrics from songs" and I'm pretty sure that, at the time, I'm trying to be deep and meaningful.

I usually delete these inane blogs the next day but I'm not going to anymore. For one, they still show up in Google Reader. Plus, they're pretty funny, in a ridiculously silly sort of way.

Like, for example, this morning's (or "last night's") lyrics come from a song that I can't get out of my head. "Strange & Beautiful" by Aqualung. It is a pretty deep song and it does hold some meaning for me...

It is the song that I record over and over and over onto multiple cassette tapes, which I then send to Keith Olbermann 3x a week. I thought maybe he'd be inspired by this gesture to lift the restraining order against me but instead he changed the "Can't come within 500 ft." rule to a more restrictive 100 ft.

I mean, what does he really think a silly, obsessed female fan is capable of? Driving across the country in diapers to kidnap his blonde, 25 yr old girlfriend? Sneaking into his apartment to steal his brain to keep in a jar so we can communicate telepathically? I mean, really, Keith. Geez...

Speaking of brains in jars, I figured out what my M.O. would be if I were a serial killer (don't you love the twisted things people who study psychology think upon?).

If I were a serial killer:

• I'd murder college professors, extract their brains and then keep their brains in jars of formaldehyde in my basement so I could feed off of their knowledge
• I would stick wax lips on the jars although they wouldn't need lips because we would only communicate telepathically
• I would be schizophrenic, although the diagnosis wouldn't come until my capture since the schizophrenia only just now developed in my mid-twenties
• "The Man with Two Brains" with Steve Martin was my favorite movie as a child

So, that thought came to me the other day and I thought I'd share. If someone steals this idea for a movie or an episode of Law & Order: CI, I will sue that person for millions, so don't even think about it.

Strange & Beautiful

I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart,
Unseen.

To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and
I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realize

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, that waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep,
I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see

-Aqualung

Academic Dreams About Holding a "Stimulating" Conversation

Last night I dreamt about someone whom I admire greatly. But instead of a normal sex dream, I dreamt about talking to this person for hours. Literally, all night long, I dreamt about talking to someone that I find attractive.

I think my brain needs to get laid. Has it really been that long since I've had intellectual intercourse?

Eat a Bag o' Dicks

So, recently a nosy classmate asked me how I did on a freshly graded test. When I told her, she asked me, "What? I got a D. How did you get an A?"

I looked around to make sure no one was listening, leaned in and dramatically whispered, "I have a copy of the answers for all of the tests in this class."

Her eyes widened and she whispered back, "Holy shit... Where did you get them? Can I buy them from you?"

I looked at her with the most ernestly faked expression of confusion and asked, "I got them at the bookstore. Don't you have them, too?" as I pointed to the textbook sitting in front of her.

No wonder I never get invited to parties. Ha.

All the tequila...

Too many margaritas on Wed = Incredibly sluggish Thursday.

Ugh.

The Wall

So, my husband was pretty appalled to learn that I had yet to see Pink Floyd's "The Wall" so we just watched it. Cut me some slack. DH was 13 when it came out. I was -2.

Anyway, that was some heavy shit, man. I feel sorry for the people who were like, "Hey, let's go see that Pink Floyd movie after we drop some acid, dude." That could do some serious damage...or at the very least, discourage all future LSD use.

I'm going to have to detox with some Dread Zeppelin before I go to sleep.

Funny Astrology Indulgence & KO and Rachel Maddow Return...Finally!

So, I get bombarded with horoscope emails daily. Every so often, I'll open one up for a laugh. Here's my "overview" for today.

I think this one is telling me to have a threesome. Sweet!!These are the times that try your soul, because deciding between the interests of your dear ones and the demands of your libido won't be an easy thing to negotiate. Ah, well. If all else fails, including the mediation of an impartial third party, take a good, long time-out.

And I came down with Strep throat today...I'd say this is creepy if it wasn't for the 60 million other Scorpios who are also probably sick and freaking out over this one.Your first impulse will be to ignore it and bravely go on. Don't. Epic sagas aren't written about someone who was cranky from the flu. Go home. Tend to yourself.

Anyway, just thought I'd share. Took my first final this morning. Got an A in the class (Tests & Measurements). Have to get a 77/100 on my Mod Political Thought final tomorrow to make an A in that class so I'm golden. I'm never taking 2 Summer session classes simultaneously AGAIN.

I forgot to mention, Keith O and Rachel Maddow are back from vacation so I can start watching cable news again. For my sake, please never, ever take vacations at the same time, guys. That was torture...There was no one else to revel in Palin stepping down as Governor, no one to countdown Worst Persons, no one to make all the same political jokes that I made 2 days prior... Anyway, I'm glad you're both back!

I'm So Tired, My Mind Is On The Blink

*Sigh* It would be lovely if I could be sleeping right now, but my insomnia doesn't seem to be sensitive to the fact that I have a final in 6 hours. So much for storing the 7 hours of studying I did today in my long term memory. At least the test is all cued recall multiple choice questions...all 150 of them! :-p

Summer I is over on Friday. Summer II starts on Monday, so this weekend is going to be my "krunk" weekend since I won't have any assignments or reading to do. Which really means I'll finish my leisure reading, watch the movies I rented last week, get my car inspection done, catch up on housework, play with Banana Mouse, and drink 8.75 beers.

The boys leave for Central America on Sunday with DH's baby-mama, so it will be pretty quiet around the house for the next month. Maybe I'll be able to work on my painting some. Maybe DH and I will make it to the July vc party for some adult-oriented weekend fun. Who knows. Probably I'll just be studying, volunteering, and wasting copious amounts of time playing Tetris on my phone while listing to Mothership on repeat.

Well, I'm going to try to induce some sleep with my Mother's Day bath salts. G'night.

Been Dazed and Confused for so long it's not true.
Wanted a woman, never bargained for you.

KO is a sugah-daddy

*sigh*

So, I googled Keith Olbermann tonight. Partly because I have an unhealthy obsession with him and partly because it is helping me procrastinate (I should be writing a paper). Amid the hotness that are his headshots, I found out that he:

1. was born in 1959, making him 10 years older than my hubby (I had guesstimated maybe 2-3 years tops).
2. his girlfriend is my age (50/2) and HOT.

This leads me to believe that dreams really do come true. And I'm not the only 20-something year old to lust after KO.

Oh yeah, GO AL FRANKEN!!! Woot!

60 Senate Seats = It's our turn now, bitches!

No Special Rights For Christians!

Something about the town I live in really pisses me off.

Sunday is my day of the week to run errands (and it used to be my day to work a double not too long ago). On Sundays, in my town and the next one over (where I used to work and now usually run my errands), I get stopped by traffic-directing law enforcement officers for 5-20 minutes at 3 different points on my commute. This made me late to work almost every Sunday, even if I added the expected time I'd be sitting in this unnecessary traffic. And it is definitely an inconvenience that usually incites road rage for me almost weekly now. The unavoidable road where this occurs is a 55 mph farm road with one lane going each way. The establishments who get this kind of special treatment? Churches.

My tax dollars are being spent to make church-going more convenient for the people attending. The traffic in front of the church is not dangerous, nor inconvenient, for those already on the road. It is only inconvenient for the church-goers to have to wait their god-damn turn to enter traffic from the church parking lot. How is this not infringing on my right to an expedient commute? So, just because I don't attend church, is my time less important?

In addition, this is not a volunteer post by the police department. I know a couple of the guys who get put on "traffic control" duty. There are always two paid officers at each location, directing traffic when church lets out, stopping those on the road to let all the church-goers out of their parking lot.

I'm sorry, but when does being a church-going Christian gain special privileges and protection paid for by the government? How can you bitch about being "persecuted" and "held down" by the same institution that literally stops traffic to give you the "right-of-way?" Don't even get me started on your protest of the "special rights and protections" that the "privileged" LGBT community is asking for. You know, like the right that everyone else has to get married and protection against hate crimes. Except the "special privileges" you decry are actually equal rights and protections that should cover all citizens, while blocking traffic so you can get your 9 1/2 screaming children to Chili's in time for lunch specials is most definitely a "special privilege" that no one (in their right mind anyway) would categorize to be an inalienable right.

I have an idea. Why don't you use some of your famous "Christian patience" and wait your eff-ing turn. Hey, maybe if you pray hard enough, God will open the roads up like he parted the Red Sea for Moses! Then my tax money can go to something actually beneficial to the community, like fixing the god-damn road you are so desparate to get onto and paying the police department to protect our citizens (all of them) from actual danger.

Free Show

So, the "new" dress I got at the thrift store this weekend...turns out it is see-thru. I did not notice this until, wearing said dress, I was walking to class this morning. It is moments like these that really test your confidence. Your welcome, students and faculty of SCU.

At least I can hide in the library for the rest of the day...

Ana Marie Cox...I love you...

So here is the video I promised from The Rachel Maddow Show last night featuring my new soul mate, Ana Marie Cox. She's actually wearing a Dr. Suess T-shirt under her suit jacket. *Sigh* I'm in love.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

My newest soul mate

I saw my soul mate on Rachel Maddow last night. She joked that the only news worthy thing about Senator Ensign's affair was the fact that a Republican actually got someone to sleep with him. I'll post the video clip later. I'm in love!

Motivation

Sexual desire is by far my greatest motivation (Thanks, hypothalamus and limbic system, for your seemingly non-stop input). I'm not saying that sex is the only thing that motivates me (Sorry, Freud), but it can definitely light a fire under my ass.

A hypothetical situation to help you better understand this concept: I would make the worst spy ever. I would sabotage the first mission assigned to me by using my "spyhood" to pick up potential lovers in this manner: "Hey, can I buy you a drink? *insert small talk here* Well, I can't tell you what I do for a living because I'm in espionage but you seem trustworthy....Want to come up to my room so I can show you the top-secret, classified documents I keep in my panties?"

Anyway, I watched a spy movie over the weekend and this was the conclusion I drew in putting myself in a spy-themed daydream.

I'd curse my double-Scorpio status, but I can't be a very good atheist if I put any stock in astrology. Although, I can say my horoscope is way more entertaining than the bible.

Summer I

Well, my first day of the Summer I semester started today. Both of my classes are awesome. My Psych Tests & Measurements class will be interesting and there are a couple of people from Dr. A's class last semester in it so I have some company. The professor is really sweet and cuts to the chase. I've heard great things about her classes so I'm content.

The professor of my Modern Political Thought class is awesome. He's a huge Obama fan. He asked the class if we knew who Mrs. Sotomayor was and no one could answer so I went ahead and repeated her resume, life story, and position (appellate judge). Am I the only person who listens to NPR?? Ha. He was impressed anyway. The class is going to be so awesome. All we are going to do is discuss political philosophy. I do that in my spare time! He also said he prefers to focus on the discussion aspect of the class and he will give us review sheets for the tests that will cover everything we need to know (in other words, no surprise questions). Sweetness. Tomorrow we are discussing Plato.

I also took advantage of SCU's fitness center finally. I knew if I didn't start today, I'd put it off forever. Dude, they have the most amazing treadmills ever. These fancy machines have built in A/C that you control, Personal TV screen with Cable (I watched Hardball with Chris Matthews while jogging), places to plug in your headphones, music channels, fitness tests, heart-rate monitors, and giant convience containers for water/phones/whatever. I'll go work out just to use these treadmills!

Anyway, it was a productive day. I now must go shower and read 60 pages of Strauss discussing Plato.

-Me

S.M.I.L.F.

So today I found out that I am a Step-M.I.L.F. (or SMILF). I think it's a cross between a smurf and a hot mom.

That is all.

Insomnia

(Originally posted on 5/26/09 at 6:49 AM)

I am so sick of being an insomniac. Where did the time of sleeping for 10-14 hours a night on my vacations go?

Since school has been out, I've been lucky to fall asleep between 7 and 9am for a few hours.

The ambien doesn't work. The soft music, reading, tv background noise, nor complete silence/darkness works. I've tried it all. The glass(es) of wine in the tub, snuggling, not snuggling, moving to the couch...all failures. Bleh.

And it's not the kind of insomnia that could maybe allow me to be productive with the extra hours at night. It is more like desperate zombie-insomnia so I just lay there and be a desperate zombie trying not to think about how I'm not sleeping.

Other than that, everything is fine.

Dr. A asked me to be on his research team for a study he will be conducting. It is awesome. Dr. A is a cross between Dr. Drew Pinsky and Keith Olbermann. He's witty, liberal, atheist, brilliant, and charming (as far as I can tell). Not that any of that matters when it comes to people I will be working with/for/under but it all definitely raises my motivation to be the best research assistant ever. The experience won't look bad on my grad degree application either. ;)

Banana Mouse is thriving. He is no longer content to sleep on me. He just wants to tunnel through my clothes and try to explore the bed. He's a fast little bugger too. He's got a pimped out cage tho and watching him eat sunflower seeds is my new favorite tv show. Mission accomplished (except for that whole not staying put thing).

I have registered for 2 summer I classes and 2 summer II classes. Round 1 starts June 8 so I suppose I should actually do something productive with my time off instead of sitting around the house reading Al Franken books and watching House reruns but it's so damn tempting to do just that! So that is basically all I've been up to since school got out. Anyway, I suppose I'll go lay down and muse about not sleeping some more.

Rectal Exams and Ringtones

(Originally posted on 3/11/09 at 8:13 PM)

hey there

last week I had 2 of the most embarrassing moments of my life in the same day. Thought I'd share...

1st, I was bleeding...from the booty...so I went to the ER per DH's insisting. I was also in a lot of pain so probably good thing I went. Well, the doc I got was this huge Italian mafia-looking doctor with giant fingers. He had me "assume the position" and stuck one of those giant fingers entirely into my rectum...while the hottest nurse I've ever seen stood by and watched (DH tried to reassure me that "maybe she liked it" ha). anyway i was fine (nothing major, just stress-induced colon blockage ha).

2nd, While taking my PhysioPsych exam, my phone went off. I couldn't find it so the entire ringtone played. Twice. Not that big of a deal, right? happens all the time...

Well, my ringtone goes something like this (by Of Montreal):

Want you to be my pleasure puss

I wanna know what it's like to be inside you...

Thankfully Dr. A just laughed and pretended not to look up from his book but the entire class laughed. I now have flashbacks when my phone rings.

That's all. I'll post a pic of my blockage xray later.

- Me

Ps at least I got a 96 on the test!

All the updates...

(Originally posted on 2/27/09 at 3:14 PM)

Well, Let's see...

Taking 15 hours at SCU this spring: Psychology of Women (should be named Liberal Feminism ha), Physiological Psychology, Abnormal Psych, Logic & Critical Thinking (A Philosophy class that teaches people to think like I already do :p), and Applied Stats.

Classes are all going well. All A's so far. My abnormal psych professor is super-hot. It makes getting up so early (8am start time) worth it just so I can stare at her.

I stay in SCU-Town 2 nights a week with my friend, Mel. I have classes 4 days a week so the commute is just too much. Plus we're in a couple of the same classes so we get some major studying done.

I got fired from my job yesterday. This did not come as a surprise. I hated that job and I would have fired me too. Apparently they didn't like the fact that I did my homework during my shift (there was nothing else to do, trust me. they just wanted me to stand there doing nothing...fuck a bunch of that). Plus they heard me say, on one of the tapes (security cameras with audio?? PSSSSHHAWWW), that the manager's daughter/bookkeeper was dumber than a post. She is. I know this because I was once a store manager and I knew everything about my store, not just how to kinda do some stuff, sometimes. I didn't know they were eavesdropping. haha. Anyway, I'm glad I got fired because I really didn't want to work this week.

I need a part-time job. I can't do the full time thing anyway.

Things at home are good. I miss the kids (I haven't been able to spend ANY time with them since school started). DH and I have been able to get a couple hours here and there in though and we're great.

That's about it, folks.

GO-BAMA!

- DH

Oh, Kurt...

(Originally posted on 1/08/09 at 9:58 AM)

...vonnegut. How I miss you so.

I have been reading and rereading Vonnegut again. What a great mind. I am glad that he left his mark on the world the way that he did so that I could discover it.

I wish he had been able to live forever.

Kurt Vonnegut is up in heaven now.

Graduation Ire

(Originally posted on 12/12/08 at 9:30 AM)

So,

Today I am setting a predecent for a "insert my maiden/parents' last name here" in getting a college degree. Although I am working towards Ph.D. ,and this is only 1 of 4 degrees in my future, it is still quite the accomplishment. I've never graduated from anything before. My parents home "schooled" me (handed my the curriculum and answer books so I could teach myself) and refused to even get my my senior year of highschool, which ended up not mattering anyway because they never kept track of my credits. I would have had to get my GED anyway.

Growing up, I was taught that college was a "worldy endeavor" and would be a waste of time "in the Kindom of Heaven". College, education, and science was looked down upon in my family. My parents never asked me what I wanted to do with my life. They just constantly pressured me to be a musician, but would have accepted housewife as equally "honorable". I wanted to be a doctor, my parents tried to force me into the christian music scene. I got a guitar instead of an education. I was told I was supposed to become an "obedient and submitting wife" and not an educated and independent woman.

But somehow, against the odds, I said "Fuck you, mom and dad. I'm going to college," and I moved out, got my GED, and got into college without anyone helping me figure out how this was done (they don't have guidance counselors in home school). And I did it, I am now a college graduate.

So as I walk the stage today, in my honors regalia, with my proud husband and stepson looking on from the audience, I will accept my degree with the knowledge that I fucking earned this moment. And no one can take that away from me, not even my absent parents, who are saving the gas money it would take to see their daughter graduate from college to get them to a "gig" (aka open-mic night) at a coffee house that they play at weekly.

Thanks, mom and dad. I owe none of this to you.

bragging

(Originally posted on 11/4/08 at 7:48 PM)

I just got 100 on my last Statistics test, which is amazing seeing how I skipped a bunch of classes before this last test. Everyone was all "Oh, well lookie here, she shows up for the test" on Thursday. I bet they won't make fun of me when I "accidentally" flash my test score. :p

I still haven't gotten a grade lower than a 92 on anything I've turned in this semester. All my class avgs are 96 or above. Not drinking during the semester really works. I even feel smarter this semester.

I applied for Graduation. And applied to SCU. Woot!

Cute Stepmom Moment!

(Originally posted on 10/14/08 at 5:13 PM)

I really don't have time to write a blog right now because I have a test, paper, and art project with 5 parts due tomorrow but...

I just had a really cute stepmom moment and I wanted to share.

In our house, my Phi Theta Kappa certificate and dean's list notification certificate are framed and hung on the wall (I worked hard, I want to show off my achievements!).

Well, my youngest stepson, #2 (11), is really proud of them. I didn't realize this until a couple weeks ago when I overheard him showing them off to his cousin and explaining how I always study and my grades are all A's. #2 and I have bonded over our shared ADHD diagnoses and I help him with tricks and shortcuts I have learned to help with schoolwork and tests.

Anyway, tonight, as I am working on my paper, #2 comes into the bedroom, proudly toting his latest report card with all A's & one B. He shows it to me and says, "Look at my report card. And I framed it!" He is grinning from ear to ear. I totally cuted out. I guess I don't really think of myself as one of the people that my stepsons look up to because of my limited time with them, but this moment showed me that #2 does look at me as someone he can relate to and emulate. So rewarding. :)

It's funny because when my sisters used to copy me when we were kids, I would get totally pissed. It is totally different when your kids (or stepkids) copy you. It shows that they think of you as someone they want to be like...at least in some ways.

<3>

This is devastating

(Originally posted on 4/12/07 at 12:44 PM)

Kurt Vonnegut, one of the - if not THE- greatest authors of all time has died today at the age of 84. I'm sure he is resting in peace.
If you have never heard of him, you need to get familiar with his work. I reccomend Cat's Cradle or Slaughterhouse Five. He has been my favourite author since the first time I picked up one of his books. I now own all of them and have read them all twice.
He was a brilliant free-thinker and 'religious skeptic'. He definitely deserved the respect he received in his lifetime.You can read the article on MSN about his life here
http://entertainment.msn.com/news/article.aspx?news=258339&GT1=9246&mpc=1
I would definitely reccomend taking some time out to remember such a great man today.