So, I started taking my SSRIs again today. I had been off of them for a year or so and was fine for a while. I have hypothyroidism though so when I stopped taking my Synthroid, things slowly started to get more sluggish (physically and emotionally). This episode of clinical major depression began with generalized anxiety (leading me to hide from everyone and sit in my room procrastinating for days. This was around the winter break between semesters. I didn't think much of it as I always get "end-of-the-semester blues" but when the spring semester started back up, I struggled to motivate myself to do anything at all. I felt overwhelmed with the conference presentations looming in the not too distant future, a barely drafted manuscript to finish by Spring Break, and 3 classes/1 lab. All of these things I am usually psyched about but I just felt lackadaisical about it all. I felt literally numb and I completely lacked the motivation to do anything. I did get it all done (thanks to much appreciated prodding from Dr. A.) and the conference couldn't have gone better. The conference was amazing actually. I definitely know that I am where I am supposed to be career-wise.




But after the conference...It was if someone popped my balloon. I found it difficult to get anything done. Even trivial activities, like personal hygiene or doing laundry, exhaust all of my energy. It doesn't help that my husband just thinks I am being lazy instead of understanding my deep feeling of nothingness. The only emotions/feelings I have been able to muster are malaise, frustration, anger, numbness, anxiety, exhaustion, stress, guilt, and a general "just don't give a shit about anything or anyone."



It has progressed to a level that is seriously negatively affecting my life, my family (especially my husband), and my friends (as in they never see me anymore). I’ve been able to put on a decent front at school. While all I want to do is stay home, once I actually get into the classroom, I am an active participant. I get the work done. I’m still everyone’s favorite (just kidding! Favorite pest maybe...).



So I went to the doctor yesterday to get some 'roids for my lymph nodes (swollen & painful) and decided to talk to him about getting back on the Celexa. It was really hard to bring it up since I don't care that I don't care but I promised DH I would talk to the doc about it so I did. I started the Celexa today and we drew some blood to test my thyroid hormone levels to see what dose of Synthroid I should start on again. Also, I am starting an exercise routine tomorrow*** (taking advantage of the practically empty campus gym this summer).



We shall see. If it is my hypothyroidism, it can take up to 3 months to start getting back to normal. Let's hope the Celexa helps me out until then.

 ***Correction: I woke up with a migraine (stupid 'roids) so I'll start that exercising Thursday.

Hiatus Apology to No One

I was really excited about this blog when I started it. Now writing seems a chore. I've been depressed and burnt out over the past couple of months. Although no one reads this (yet), hopefully I will soon feel like being witty and creative again. Much has transpired since I last wrote. Nothing bad, in fact, mostly great. I just do not feel like my usual self these days. It is as if my motivation for everything just dissipated.

Even this entry seemed a chore to put off but here it is. My blog entry to tell you I will be back at some point in the [hopefully near] future.